Too often today people look upon networking as a numbers game. They gauge their success by how many followers, “friends” or connections they have accumulated through various social networking platforms. Sometimes these connections can prove helpful. But proper networking, the kind that can open doors for you and connect you to the right people, is about quality not quantity. You need to engage with people and cultivate a relationship. That means you have to have something to offer to make it worth their while.

As consultant Jeff Shuey points out in an article for Entrepreneur magazine, of course the people you meet know you are networking to gain something; they are, too. If you want to connect with and influence people, talk with them about what you can do for them, not what they can do for you. “Everyone is good at something,” says Jeff. “Whatever it is that you are good at … highlight it, emphasize it, and offer it to your network.” Be a giver rather than a getter and you’ll be amazed when you call on people for help they’re going to make it happen for you. Why? One, because you’ve proved you are someone worth knowing. Two, because they are confident that providing an introduction or recommendation for you is going to reflect well on them, too. The give and take is all connected in that way, and it is not always obvious who may turn out to be the key contact that gets you where you want to go. So, you have to keep giving and have faith that it’s going to work out in the end.

I’m not interested in having the world’s biggest contact list. Names, telephone numbers, email addresses have little value in themselves. For me, what’s more important is getting to know who someone is, what they do, and what they care about. It is that depth of knowing who someone is and showing real interest in them that will enable you to call on them one day, or prompt them to call on you. And that is the person who is going to open a door for you, the one that is going to make a difference in your life.